orendalogs | IT'S YOUR DESTINY!!!

Silence reigned in the tiny space for a moment, Ghost's big blue eye flicking back and forth between the two as Declan stood there, staring at Aoba. It wasn't a hard gaze, but soft. Moved. His large lips parted, pinched, parted again, the bottom compressed a moment in attempt to form a word and ultimately failing. He blinked, shaking his head slightly, as though taking himself out of some trance before inhaling deeply and uttering a notably tremulous sigh.

"If you say so, it must be true," the Titan murmured, cheeks colored and eyes glittering with more than their usual shimmer. Swallowing and puffing a little sigh, he reached up, patting the frame over his head with a few echoing slaps, trying to start his motor again before retreating to the bunk. In the other room he stood in front of the little bed with it's army green blanket, staring through everything. A few seconds ticked by and he slowly lurched forward, collapsing face down into the bed, hands tugging the pillow down to cram his face into it, trying to banish the burning in his skin.

He was going to have a very hard time getting to sleep.

Edited 2018-10-31 22:35 (UTC)

Aoba didn’t even know how to take that reaction. It didn’t feel bad, but it did feel…complicated. Aoba stood in place for a little while after the Guardian had gone out of sight into the bunkroom, squeezing his hands in troubled fists. There was a dead-eyed stare being leveled at him from the back of his thoughts. Funny how he could tell it was so, despite there being no true sight involved. Power of a shared imagination?

Ren sat at his feet, looking up at him with a steady expression. After a sigh of his own, Aoba picked him up and returned to the cockpit, sitting back in the seat which he presumed would have been the co-pilot’s, had someone of the appropriate skills been present. There were those bolted seats by the kitchen area, sure, but this one had the better view.

“I don’t know if I’m an idiot or what,” he murmured to his companion, fingers buried in dark fur.

After a low sigh of his own, Ren answered, “I do not believe ‘idiocy’ is the problem in any way, but I do believe this is proof that it is unwise to let your other side control your actions without mediation. Desires are not meant to be freely indulged. Now you are dealing with the consequences of such.”

And here we go again, went the background mutterings.

Declan only slept for a few hours, leaving Aoba to his own devices in that time. Fortunately Ghost was always awake and more than happy to explain things on the ship to Ren and Aoba both. He showed them the food and the look induction cooktop, showed then the control options in the cockpit that were easy to play with and not relevant to the ship operations. They could play music if they liked, and place calls as well. He also showed them how to access ship logs, listen to anything Declan had previously recorded, record things themselves, explore the vanguard repository of knowledge accessible from the ship and view starmaps. Plenty to stay occupied long enough for the Titan to rest.

Eventually he woke, wandering out groggily with mussed hair, never the best at sleeping in his gear. He didn't strictly have to, but he preferred being in a constant state of preparedness.

Lurching out of the bunkroom and looking around bleary-eyed, Declan offered a vague smile and wave.

"Hungry?"

Alas, or perhaps just ironically enough, the question fell on deaf ears. Ghost’s little tour hadn’t taken all that long compared to how long Declan needed to nap, and Aoba found himself neither particularly in need of ‘staying occupied’ nor even able to compel himself to do so in the form of ‘staying distracted’.

He was roused from the copilot seat long enough to follow Ghost’s tour, but then returned right back to it. Staring out the windows, the slow shift of the stars was soothing, almost hypnotic. He’d professed no need for sleep, but forgot who he was. The zero-G hammocks had been infinitely more comfortable, but it was quiet and comparatively dark. Probably helped that his gear wasn’t nearly so cumbersome as Declan’s own, too.

Declan addressed a dozer, Aoba slumped in his seat in such a way that his shoulder was his pillow, the hood of his Hunter gear pulled up over his head to shade his eyes from what light there was.

Blinking at the lack of reply and squinting, he realized Aoba was asleep, not simply reclining. Snorting softly and wandering over to the seat, he leaned in, eyes roaming Aoba's sleeping face as they'd done in the past. Smiling to himself and looking back over his shoulder at the open bunkroom, he made his decision, gently reaching into the bucket curve of the seat.

He was extremely patient and careful, using his knee to nudge the seat out of it's lean and tilt Aoba just enough to get his hands in there. Any time Aoba stirred, he waited, then went back to work until he had the man lifted up. The Titan princess-carried the other man easily, quietly making his way across the small open space and side-ways through the door to lay Aoba on the bed. Huffing a sigh, satisfied, he tucked the man in snugly before heading back out to go over diagnostics and calibrations on the ship before tucking in at the mess table to read a while, content in the occupied silence.

Though Aoba had most certainly not been moved in such a way since he was very small, Declan’s patience and care served their purpose. The man in his arms wasn’t disturbed even the smallest bit. His midday nap continued on, all the way to being laid down and tucked in to pre-warmed blankets. There was a bit of sound from him at that point, but it was only a contented sleep-murmuring as his head sunk into the pillow.

It wasn’t his proper trundle bed, but it was better than a couch, definitely better than a cockpit seat.

Ren watched all of this, naturally, but instead of remaining with Aoba he followed Declan back out and stayed near the Guardian, perhaps offering his own quiet companionship in place of Aoba’s. Of course, a lap was the most opportune position for such a thing, provided Declan was willing to pick him up.

It was roughly an hour more before Aoba came to again, slowly, getting all the way through a stretch and a yawn before becoming aware of his surroundings enough to fail to recognize them. Bleary confusion faded into understanding when he realized he saw the bunkroom from an angle he hadn’t up until now. Well, there were a couple ways he could have gotten here, but—

Wasn’t me, cut in a yawn. Which meant Declan. Aoba couldn’t remember dozing off—who ever did, anyway?—but it was obvious enough that he must have.

It felt weird, getting out of bed in full gear, but up he got again with rustling blankets and clinking gear-buckles giving away his return to alertness before he himself emerged from the little room, a little disoriented but still hazel-eyed.

“…Fair warning,” he decided on saying, hoping to defuse his own potential embarrassment with a joke. “I will totally turn off the gravity and drag you to the bunk if I ever find you asleep in the cockpit, too.”

"Hm?" Declan hummed, looking up from where he was holding a battered paperback open with one hand, the other busy petting Ren tucked in the crook of his propped up leg. He had absently picked the Allmate up when he was nearby underfoot, spacing out entirely as he slowly made his way through East of Eden.

"And I'll be grateful for your thoughtfulness," he replied with a vague smirk, closing the book and setting it down to focus all of his attention on Aoba.

"I hope you don't mind. You were just...The bed was open, so I thought you should be there."

Finally noticing where Ren was gave Aoba a bit of a start, meeting the Allmate’s dark gaze. He looked as content as he ever did, though. His tongue was sticking out and everything. Suddenly it reminded Aoba of any time he walked out onto his veranda and Koujaku would already be there, with Ren cuddled up in his arms.

To Aoba it said that despite the things that were going wrong or that Ren didn’t approve of, Declan himself was not one of them. Ren would not have allowed the Guardian to hold him so, otherwise.

“Ah.” He refocused on Declan as the other spoke, a little late to his chuff of laughter but still meaning it genuinely. “No, I don’t mind. But at this rate we’re going to have to figure out some kind of rotation, if neither one of us wants to tolerate the other not sleeping in a proper bed.”

Sharing’s always an option. So what if it’s narrow, just get good and cozy and-

Aoba refused acknowledgement.

"...I would offer to share but I imagine it wouldn't be comfortable. I'm very large and take up much space, and my gear is..." He shook his head slightly, ignoring the minor flutter of horror at mentioning the possibility in favor of focusing on the practicality and sensibility.

"And I'd say we could sleep in the hammocks, but zero G isn't good for you for long periods of tiem if you're not accustomed to it. I don't think we'd be in it long enough for you to suffer any bone density problems, but you're not yet fully adapted and treated with our medicine so you may be at greater risk. I'm not a doctor...so...I don't really know." He frowned in consternation, hand stilling in it's rhythmic petting, just his thumb moving, rubbing behind Ren's ear.

"I should have bought a larger ship, I'm sorry Aoba."

"It's fine, it's fine. We're only taking the long way across space because it was my request, right? I don't think a sleep rotation is too big a price to pay. Also, the thought of moving a big guy like you all on my own, zero gravity or not, is pretty funny. I'll make sure Ren and Ghost get recordings."

Poking lighthearted fun seemed a working tactic for now, so as he passed behind Declan en route to the cockpit again, he made a point of reaching out to give his hair a tousling. Seeing as this is Aoba we're talking about, it wasn't particularly vigorous so that he didn't tug the Guardian's hair at all, but it was casual and playful just the same. No serious thoughts. Just silliness. Just defuse that unnecessarily apologetic look on Declan's face, that was all.

Squinting a bit at having his hair ruffled, the Titan shifted to gently place Ren on the floor, following Aoba into the Cockpit.

"Well, if you're feeling up to it, we can jump now and shave a day off the trip. We'll stay in orbit while I go on patrol, then Ghost can land the ship and we can camp and start researching. It's up to you how long the travel is. The trip can be dragged out without losing anything."

"You could put the bed on the floor since it's two stacked mattresses," Ghost offered nonchalantly. Declan looked over at the construct, blank and not comprehending at first.

"Side by side. If you put the mattresses on the floor you double the space. Single to double. Or if you insist on sleeping separately, one in the bunk and one in the mess or down in observation. Either way, you two can sleep at the same time. Together or not. There's extra blankets in the overhead."

A pause, the Titan staring as it processed before he glanced to Aoba and shrugged, leaving it up to him. Either way, Declan didn't mind. If he were honest with himself, he'd admit to being pleased by the suggestion. Even if Ghost seemed a little smug for his taste.

And then there was Aoba, suddenly wondering why he was being given the choice at all. He regarding the Guardian curiously, just a touch uncertain. Did offering to jump now mean it was what Declan would have preferred? Maybe they wouldn’t lose anything with the longer trip, but was there something to be gained by shortening it?

Spreading out the mattresses would solve the sleep problem, but so would getting planetside. Aoba rubbed at the side of his neck, unsure of what to pick now that his assumption of how things would go had become a choice of options. But then again, he didn’t want to inconvenience anything….

“Well…I suppose I only asked for the ‘scenic route’ before because I was afraid of the space jumps, but nothing’s been anywhere near as scary as I thought it might be. It would be more efficient to get there quickly, so….”

So they might as well go ahead and jump.

"It's up to you, Aoba. I want you to enjoy yourself, and feel safe. If these things are compromised by haste, then it isn't worth it. The sleeping arrangements were something I thought about in passing but assumed rotation would be fine. I would rather be awake when you are, though. To spend as much time with you as I can before you're gone," Declan reasoned, sliding into the pilot seat and leaning back a bit.

"I'm happy to accommodate you in any way possible."

And with those words, Declan hit upon a perfect combination to silence Aoba in a hurry. Not that last sentence, but the one before.

He sighed quietly, looking down at the Guardian. Though Aoba had moved up front, it was only to be in view of the windows. His hand was up on an overhead support and he hung into it a little. The only solid complaint he could have made was as to how limited the views outside rather were. He wondered if this was comparable to being in a submarine, in a way. Rather than being completely afraid of the vastness of space outside the vessel, it was like his mind interpreted it as just a dark night sky and it was good to be able to see it.

“Scenic route it is, then,” he answered. If Declan wanted as much time with him as possible, then it was only fair, since Aoba wanted much the same of Declan.

Smiling slowly and arching a brow as he looked up, the Titan nodded, content. He would have to try to get Aoba out of the ship at some point, though he was fine with waiting until they went to the Reef. It was a prettier float, at any rate.

"So all we have to do is figure out the sleeping arrangements. I defer to your judgment there as well," Declan stated, leaning forward to scroll through the updated bounty boards again, wondering if there was anything to take Aoba on safely. A few scouting missions...those were usually safe so far as being non-engagement assignments. He was trying to find ways to avoid Aoba having to handle weapons at all. Then man was so against the idea that Declan didn't even want it to be an issue any longer.

What was there to figure out? Aoba blinked, only to realize oh, right. Assumptions weren’t getting him anywhere lately. He’d have to make an effort not to be vague. He didn’t really like being the one to make all the decisions, given that it felt lopsided to do so, but Declan was just as he said: accommodating. Almost unbelievably so.

“Just split the mattresses apart, since that’s an option. Like you said, we’ll lose out on time together if we’re sleeping in shifts.”

"Into different places, or next to each other?" he asked, still looking down at his screen, tone carefully neutral. He knew his preference, but he absolutely didn't want to speak up on behalf of his indecent self-interest. The idea that he might even accidentally curl up against Aoba at night was both highly inappropriate and extremely tantalizing.

He didn't know whether to be disgusting with himself or mystified over the fact that he could even feel such a way. Prior to meeting the man he'd always assumed himself to be utterly psychologically sexless. He'd had many opportunities to find interest in others, had been approached by the occasional daring or drunk person who simply admired his statuesque figure, but he'd never even been tempted. Only Aoba interested him, and it was only partly physical attraction. Declan simply liked him. He wanted to curl up around the man and rest in consuming silence and darkness and never think about anything going on outside of them ever again.

It seemed like utter madness, but he thought it was alright to indulge in some ways. Though not entirely sure when he'd begun thinking of Aoba quite so...feverishly, he let the feels remain muted in the back of his mind and focused where he could. Now was a chance to be at least a little indulgent, but he wouldn't press his luck. It was enough to be near the man.

And then there was Aoba, hesitating at the fact that it even required specification. They'd shared room before, so why-

Oh god, right. It was Aoba himself who'd skipped out on that shared room before. With his other side acting out like he had, Aoba had been the one avoidant in the aftermath. Maybe their apologies of action this morning didn't quite cut it in that regard. Or more likely, Declan was just staying considerate.

"... There's no need to drag a mattress halfway across the ship," he replied, a little tentative despite himself. He could just feel the heavy stare Desire was giving him and almost feared what the other might say instead if he took the opportunity right now.

Maybe his silence was worse. Maybe it meant Aoba was saying things aligned with his thoughts.

"If you put them side by side it'll be like sleeping on futons."

A glance at Ghost got a quick "Bedding common in Japan and other East Asian cultures. Soft mattresses that could be rolled or folded away to conserve space and provide room for the minimalist lifestyle popular for centuries."

Nodding slightly in understanding and relaxing himself enough not to look overly pleased, the Titan smiled agreeably.

"So be it. There's enough space in the bunkroom, and it's better in there anyways with the shower so close. It gets cold in space, sometimes, and the ship heating elements aren't exactly the best, but turning the shower steamer on warms the space up nicely and the humidity combats the dry cycled air. It's pretty comfortable..." he trailed off, thinking perhaps he was over-sharing. Either way, he was feeling pretty pleased. Sleeping later one would be much more restful, if it were anything like the night he got to fall asleep looking at Aoba.

"We're approaching a waypoint," he murmured, pointing out the window at a blinking mass in the distance. Something like a small automated satellite, there to help boost signals in an era long past, proximity lights flashing on it's sides to make itself more visible to travelers. They were taking a common auto-routed path, so seeing the waypoint was expected.

"Be sure to take many photographs, Aoba. That way you'll have things to show your granny."

“I have been taking photographs of things at interest at regular intervals,” came that deep little voice at their feet. Aoba bent to pick Ren up and set him in the empty copilot seat, allowing the Allmate to hop up against the window for a better view.

In the middle of the motion, however, it gave Aoba a sudden thought. “Ah…we’ll have to take some pictures that have me in them, for the memories as much as the credibility. You too, Declan, if you wouldn’t mind it.”

Pale eyes flicked up, watching Aoba and Ren for a moment before shyly casting down to his screen again, thought his expression was pleased. It made him happy to know it mattered to Aoba that there was a recorded memory of him, that he existed. It made him even happier to know wherever the man was, he could think of Declan, and the memory would keep him alive.

"I would be honored to be in pictures with you, Aoba. If you don't think my appearance would be too shocking."

“I won’t show them to just anybody,” Aoba countered, moving back to view the windows from that standing position again. This time, though, he leaned against the back of Declan’s seat, not to watch what the man was doing with all those screens but just to be there. “They’ll mostly be for me, and for the people I trust enough to tell everything.

“Besides,” he added an impulsive moment later, “I think the word is ‘stunning’ rather than ‘shocking’.”

That seemed okay to remind him, since Aoba had already compared him to those ancient statues before. Something to work on reinforcing that low self-esteem.

Another vague smile, a finger tapping on the edge of the screen before he looked up, chest rising and falling visibly with a sigh despite all the concealing armor. Definitely reminded one that the armor wasn't big, the body was.

"And you. You truly are the most beautiful man I've ever seen, and I've seen many. The gentle slopes of your face and softness of your eyes. It makes me think of watercolor paintings....I like watercolor paintings." Honesty. The best policy....right?

Woah woah woah, okay, maybe Aoba should have expected a riposte like that, except he was dumb and he hadn't. That was a full-scale upgrade from compliments to just his hair. Somehow Aoba managed to turn his surprise into a splutter that sounded closer to a laugh than anything else, grinning self-consciously as color surged into his cheeks.

So if you're a watercolor painting and he likes watercolor paintings, that's big guy speak for 'I like you', right?? demanded that background voice, which only embarrassed him several degrees more.

You don't like people the same way you like watercolor paintings, was his own retort, further delaying an outward reply.

"That's-" Faltering. "A-As long as you don't leave off the part about me being a man," was what he somehow wound up with, as if embarrassing memories might somehow be better than an embarrassing present. "I've had people compare me to a woman way too many times in the past already."

"I don't think you look like a woman," Declan replied, confusion clear. He paused a moment, head tilting as he turned to give Aoba an appraising look before shaking his head. Definitely not a woman.

"You're slighter in frame than say, a Titan typically is, but you have a masculine presenting body and you carry yourself with a similar manner. If you identified as female, I would think you'd emphasize attributes to identify as much, even if stereotypically. I hope you didn't take my comparing you to a type of painting as assuming your identity. You simply have softer features that make me think of the delicacy taken in making a watercolor painting. There were many watercolor paintings of men," he added the last, a bit perplexed before pondering a moment, trying to think about time frames and general eras of thought.

"...Is finding another man attractive not...acceptable in your time?" Declan hedged, instantly anxious, expression somewhat stricken.

"I am sorry, Aoba, if anything I've said makes you uncomfortable. I just thought being truthful was best. I can keep my comments to myself. I didn't think about different things might be between here and there."

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