orendalogs | IT'S YOUR DESTINY!!!

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IT'S YOUR DESTINY!!!

Who: Anyone, everyone? Aoba and Declan to start.
What: Destiny
When: After the House of Wolves, before The Taken King.
Where: Earth, The Last City, The Tower and beyond.
Warnings: Could be sorta zombie stuff (Hive), could be xenophilia? I dunno. Gen warnings, yo.

Earth. 700 years into the future, humanity is all but gone, huddled in a massive city in the mountains, surrounded by gargantuan walls and living in the shadow of the slumbering, perhaps dead, body of The Traveler. The massive being of benevolence and light that came to Earth bearing gifts of knowledge that would bring about the longest Golden Age in Terran history, hovering in geostationary orbit over The Last City of men, protecting what is left from The Darkness beyond with the remains of it's Light.

For those on Earth it is a well-known story. With The Traveler's dying breath it created Ghosts, fragments of living Light that in turn resurrected men and women across the galaxy, bringing to bear the Guardians, warriors to fight the Darkness. Earth and all the nearby planets are populated by humans, the Awoken, Exos and a variety of species of ever more distant origins, some less generous than others. The Guardians make their headquarters in a colossal spire at the edge of The Last City. There, in the Tower, the Vanguard and other factions of humanity work together to hold the line and fight the Darkness and every other threat to the known universe. The little understood Guardians rarely venture beyond the Tower, preferring the company of their brothers and sisters in arms, but all look to the Tower as a beacon of hope.

There is danger and adventure to be had; the likelihood of death and the possibility of rebirth. The future is uncertain, but all who walk in the Light know the Darkness is coming, and the wise life to the fullest.

[ Destiny Wiki ]

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Desire didn’t expect a nerve to be struck. One was.

“Stop telling me who I am!” he snapped, voice too loud in the little space of the shower, nails biting into Declan’s legs when they hadn’t been a moment before.

He took the mild attack with his usual calm, stilling briefly. It took some thinking, wondering how his words had been construed as such, and he eventually reached down to pull hands from his thighs and turn the other man around.

"You misunderstand me," Declan sighed softly, ignoring their erections, hardly flagged and so close they could touch. This was more important. "Listen carefully."

"I would accuse anyone of the same, in a time like this. Even someone that doesn't want affection can want physical intimacy, and my interests in both are being forcibly split apart by the complications here. I don't understand what you've been through and what makes you this way, I don't think I could ever fully appreciate what's brought you to this point in your life without experiencing it myself, but the parts I am involved in are perfectly fine with me," the Titan insisted, reaching up and cupping a hand on Aoba's cheek gently.

"I can wait until you're comfortably whole inside and don't argue with yourself so much. What I need you to understand is that until then, I can't compromise my integrity and beliefs. If I do that, then what's the point of it being me versus any other person you know? If you get angry because you think I don't see you as a single person, then you need to see how much it hurts me for you to ignore my anxieties. I see you as one person, Aoba, but I see you as someone that second guesses everything and does things they regret. I don't want to be a regret, I don't want to be something you worry about. I want to be a stable pillar in your life, I want to be both the immovable object and unstoppable force in your life," he murmured, leaning in and pressing his lips gently - once, twice, three times - to Aoba's, gently caressing the hair near his temple.

"If I give myself to you, it is a compromise I can feel good about. I risk nothing by making myself available to your passions and desires. But if I took you, even if you say you want it now, you may look back and regret it. You might not regret me, but you too often look into yourself and over complicate your own feelings. I want being with me to be the easiest choice you've ever made. Right now it isn't, or we wouldn't have such a difficult time getting into the same room, let alone bed or shower. So please, stop being so angry. This isn't the time for that. I'm trying very hard not to be terrified of the things I want, and you being angry with me scares me more than any of it. We could be doing much more enjoyable things, if we could just stop thinking so hard."

For Desire, it was the simple trigger of being ‘told’ (as he took it) what he knew or didn’t know, being ‘told’ why he was doing what he was doing. As the aspect who had been locked away for so long because of others’ judgements, as the aspect who had begun as the very essence of knowing what Aoba wanted, he took it unexpectedly hard to be ‘judged’ in such a way when he was going through all this effort to spell out the obvious.

In some ways, he was very much still an erratic teenager. But Declan wasn’t the only one upset. Behind his thoughts, his other self was distressed. He’d wanted to take shelter behind Desire’s confidence and certainty, not his anger. Suddenly they were at odds again—not completely, but in parts—and Aoba’s body was tense under Declan’s hands. At the same time, however, it meant that he was not wholly disinclined to listen, however frustrated Desire wanted to be that now Declan wanted to talk, now he wanted to sound sure and confident of his choices.

“I don’t have anxieties! That’s why I’m here!” Desire exclaimed, hands up in the air, making the frustrated gestures of one looking for the right words to pull out of it. It wasn’t a whole truth, else he wouldn’t have been so sensitive to being judged or ignored, but as far as words went, he was not nearly as eloquent as Declan could be. One of those hand-waves was even towards the back of his head, undermining his depictions of a unified individual when he said, “Thinking so hard is exactly the problem, but if putting me forward only means you overthink things instead, then the two of you are just going to overthink us all to-”

Hazel. Like the flip of a switch, Desire’s ranting was cut off by Reason’s silence, tense posture going weak and hands returning to hang at his sides, eyes averted the moment after the change in aspects took place.

A moment stretched out, long enough to note but not actually as long as it probably felt, before he managed, “…I made you think I don’t like you. I didn’t correct you when I should have. I thought…getting away from this overthinking side of me would fix it.”

Just as Declan was shuttering, thinking perhaps he was stupid for his anxieties, that his feelings shouldn't matter so much and he should be thinking only of Aoba (no matter how unhealthy those thoughts were or how much he'd already put Aoba/Desire before himself) the anger seemed to soften, and he looked up to hazel eyes. Pale brows pinched together in worry, then lifted slowly in cautious attentiveness.

"I never thought you didn't like me...only that you could never want me," Declan finally said, teeth finding his bottom lip for a moment, trying to ignore the prickling in his scalp as his body stayed very aware of it's naked proximity.

"They are very different matters, ignoring semantics. However, my like for you...exceeds simple friendship. It is...deeper." His fingers tapped lightly on Aoba's shoulders where he gripped them gently, nervous gestures as he tried to keep himself talking even if he worried he was digging a hole he should be avoiding.

"I'm in love with you, Aoba. The lengths to which I am willing to go for you are much greater than those I would go for someone like Mac or Cayde. I'm here, literally baring myself, because I want to give you everything. Even if I don't get everything in return, I would rather you come to me for things like this than someone else, so even if it were just part of you looking for an outlet, I could be happy knowing it was me and that I didn't have to imagine you with someone else. Even if it all terrifies me to some degree. Though...my compromises made you angry, and I'm sorry for it. In the end, there are some things I simply can't do. No matter how much I love you."

A rush of words, a tumble of feelings. He let himself speak and ignoring the ringing in his ears as he said more and more and too much, chest in agony as his heart beat in something so very like real terror. Admissions and reality, things he needed to say because all he did was make things worse. He was too stupid to be gentler, he thought. He wasn't smart like Mac, full of metaphors and "candy coating". He just knew what he felt and mostly why and acted accordingly within the range of his morals and politeness. Everything had become so complicated, though. He'd tried to be more careful and evidently only made things so much worse. He didn't blame Aoba's problems, the man hadn't asked for this, he wasn't responsible for Declan.

But how did you apologize to someone for loving them? Was that...how it was supposed to be?

Though Desire had complained that Declan spoke too much, it had greatly just been a factor of things not being "fixed" as swiftly as he meant them to be. That shoving aside all the talking, all the overthinking, had not hastened them past the awkwardness and to a point where things could just be. Now Declan spoke and Reason was at the reins to listen.

But he still felt a blunt sensation in the moments that followed, as if Desire had struck the back of his head with the heel of his hand. I told you so! he squawked. And that was definitely the word for it. Squawked. No matter how much he'd called it, it was a shock to finally hear it said.

Especially right now, standing close and bare and feeling like electricity should have been jumping back and forth in sparks across their skin.

But... the pounding in his breast suddenly filled with warmth, too. There was a definite difference in having figured something out, and having it said right to you.

"Declan..." He fumbled for the words that could be equally honest, equally explain. If he was afraid of being disbelieved at this point, he had to be clear. He couldn't skip past the details, or say them other than plainly, as Desire had. Aoba lifted his hands, resting them on Declan's, welcoming the weight to his shoulders and hoping to still the nervous fidgeting in those fingers.

“If I could have just spoken plainly from the start…I would have already told you the same thing,” he answered, face heated in ways that the warm fall of water and the billowing of steam had nothing to do with. “Instead I only said things like…I want to come home to you. O-or I’m more comfortable around you than anyone else. It was always true, but it wasn’t true enough.”

He gave one of those hands a soft squeeze, tilting his head to rest his cheek against the other, in a way bringing himself to that added little bit of contact rather than force Declan to move for it. Still, it was loose. Something the Titan could pull away from.

“I’m not mad at you. No part of me really is. Only at myself, for not making myself be understood no matter which way I tried. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to, but I do want to be part of—of everything you do want. And I don’t want to do anything that you wouldn’t do to me, because I want to be…your equal partner. In every way that word can mean.”

Was that enough? No, it needed to be more. Clearer.

“I…fell for you before you’d even come home from those weeks that you were gone, though it was only a little afterwards that I realized it.”

He had no idea what to say, regarding those revelations between them. He'd thought running off at the mouth would be the end of everything, but there they were, gazing at each other in nervous understanding. He swallowed hard, throat moving though the sound couldn't be heard over the steam shower, fingers moving under Aoba's hands.

"We could have been sleeping in the same bed for weeks," was all he managed to parse, blinking a few times and nearly choking when he realized how strange that statement was between everything else. Just his brain vomiting out the most immediate realization.

"I mean, I meant that we could have been sharing more, being closer. We could have been using what little time we have so much better than we have. I'm so sorry I misunderstood, Aoba. I've...never been in this position. I don't understand these sorts of things. Never needed or wanted to confess to anyone. I feel like a fool."

They could have been…ha. And no remark from Desire could make that sound any less earnest than Aoba knew that Declan meant it, even before the Guardian launched into his embarrassed elaboration.

“Whatever you feel, I’m feeling it the same or worse,” he murmured, tentatively sliding his hands up Declan’s forearms. Unlike Desire, who had complained that things were going too slow, Aoba didn’t want to rush through anything—but he did want to invite it. To be closer. If Declan still only wanted to do little things, careful things, Aoba wasn’t going to be unhappy about it.

“We’re the same, that way. I’ve never…been serious about anyone, or wanted to be serious about someone, the way that I want to be serious about you, Declan.”

He considered a moment, glancing over at the shower wonderingly before turning his head and leaning in a bit.

"I don't know if I'll be very good at this, or if I have any right to ask when you'll be leaving soon. I don't want to be a greater emotional burden, but... Aoba, would you allow me the honor of being your man?" the Titan asked, pale eyes shining brightly in the steamy curls framing them both, pouring from the shower.

"We'll figure it out as we go...all the rest. I'll read everything! I'll watch whatever you want me to. I'll learn. I promise I'll do everything not to disappoint you."

Aoba could feel that embarrassing tomato-red heat gaining strength in his cheeks, but for once, it didn’t feel so bad. Maybe because Declan was just as open and vulnerable, trying just as much as he was. And he was still so giving, asking to belong instead of asking to possess. Maybe his definitions of ‘honor’ were a little fuzzy here, but if he wanted to go for words that pulled on Aoba’s heartstrings, he’d plucked out good ones.

There was one more thing to be clear on, though, as Aoba lifted a hand and rested it against the side of Declan’s face, thumb against a cheekbone and the rest of his fingers spread across that marble-like complexion, shifting with those indescribable little waves of glow.

“You don’t need to be anything but yourself,” he answered softly. “That’s how you made me fall for you, after all.”

And hopefully with that it would be okay to cut Declan off from words for at least a little while, because he’d put himself in a place where Aoba really wanted to kiss him—so that was just what he did, even if he did have to go up on his toes a bit for it.

He wasn't left straining upwards for long, Declan leaning down a fraction to press his lips more firmly. He was less shocked by things, with permission granted in full, adn he took the chance to slide both arms fully around the other man, squeezing tightly.

A beat, and he released Aoba, jolting physically, the kiss breaking with a soft gasp as he looked down and realized he'd quite firmly smashed their naked bodies together. He couldn't have been more purple than Aoba was red.

"I, am so sorry," he croaked softly, clearing his throat with a nervous, low laugh, eyes darting side to side as though escape were necessary. The panic faded a second after, brows furrowing as the realization that it was okay started to creep in.

"H-how...how fast is too fast?" he asked, ignoring the prickling at the nape of his neck and back of his scalp, the faint tremor in his hands, the race of his heart. Teeth worried at his bottom lip, toes wriggling a bit against the metal floor.

Declan’s accommodating movements allowed Aoba to get his own arms around the man’s neck in return, a grip just as firm to secure himself in place. His kisses were less demanding than Desire’s, though they didn’t lack intensity. His wants were more yearning, more tempered, and equally focused on wanting Declan to enjoy it all.

Aoba certainly was, after all. He was very, very aware of how good it felt to be held so tightly against Declan’s body, every inch of skin alight with sensation, not the least of which was the renewed ached down in his—

The Guardian broke away again, but mercifully, Aoba remained in control. His own bit of fluster was merely confused, unrelated to the burst of emotion in the back of his head that was one supremely frustrated Desire. It was easy for Aoba to consider him muted, here, with his tender concern for Declan being so strong.

“Any time you feel like you need to stop, is,” Aoba decided upon, pressing a kiss to that lower lip that Declan so frequently saw fit to abuse. “It’s all new to me, too.”

But he tugged on the man a little, hoping to coax him into the proper warmth of the water. They’d never figure out what they were doing if they didn’t at least start….

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IT'S YOUR DESTINY!!!

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