orendalogs | IT'S YOUR DESTINY!!!

A more thoughtful, less entertaining answer than possibly expected—up until the last bit, that was.

Oi. Reason. I think we just got called ‘Esmeralda’.

No response. Desire could tell perfectly well that Reason wasn’t nearly as asleep as he was trying to be. Another nail in the ‘the only one acting stupid here is you’ coffin, as far as Desire was concerned. But if this was the bed that Reason was making for himself—a very cold and lonely bed—then Desire was leaving him to squirm in it. For a while longer, anyway.

“Hm~m. I’ll withhold comments for tonight,” he drawled, just slightly sing-songing the words. Reason he was freely calling stupid left and right, but Declan’s ignorance was a few degrees more…forgivable. He wouldn’t have to interpret everything wrong if ‘Aoba’ would just stop running hot and cold on him, right? “I don’t want to ruin the mood. I liked this, big guy. I can barely remember the last time I got to be out and about and just do normal shit. Thanks, Declan.”

Desire had basic manners and the ability to use proper names? Whoda thunk it.

"You're welcome...but I don't think it's anything I need to be thanked for. You're my friend. I'm grateful that you were willing to spend time with me," Declan smiled warmly, leaning to the side and propping his cheek in one hand, elbow against the armrest of the chair. He was feeling much better now.

"You don't ever have to worry about anything with me. If I'm not on duty, I'm happy to spend time with you. Even when I'm on patrol I like keeping in touch. But...thank you for taking time for this and being patient with me. I know...I can be...embarrassing."

“I like that side of you,” Desire admitted freely, an answer that had just as many innocent connotations as it did more troublesome ones. “By which I mean I like all sides of you. It’s a fair exchange. We have a good thing going on here. A few wrinkles we’re still ironing out, sure, but….”

…okay. Just one thing. Behaving was hard, and Declan was an innocent victim of Reason’s foolishness. Not that that meant what Desire was thinking was at all smart, but he didn’t think of it as stirring the pot. Throwing the poor Guardian a bone, more like. Esmeralda had done it, so why not Aoba?

He bent over, taking advantage of the relaxed way Declan held himself, and kissed his cheek just shy of the corner of his mouth, skirting ‘platonic’ by a razor’s edge and a conspiratorially whispered-yet-vague, “Be patient for us both, big guy, alright?”

And then he was up and off again, taking their dirty plates with him to the kitchen area.

Aoba could see the color blooming on Declan's face instantly, the guardian staring up absolutely bewildered. He didn't know what he was supposed to be patient for, particularly since he thought he was already, but he kept the questions clamped down and just reached up to touch his own cheek with a vague smile.

Yeah...he wasn't crippled by his unrequited love, and it would all be okay. He could content himself with what he was being given. he was a bigger man than to be put off by a lack of fully returned investment. After all, that wasn't what it was about. Love wasn't supposed to cost anything, after all. He gave of himself freely. It was enough to have somewhere to direct those affections.

When the other man left the Titan cleared his throat and rose from his seat, considering his options briefly before heading towards the sleeping quarters.

"I'm going to head to bed first, read a little. I'll be there if you want to talk. Otherwise feel free to help yourself to anything or come sleep. Mm, and thanks again for watching with me. I hope it wasn't too boring," he chuckled, chewing his bottom lip a moment, then turning for the room.

Maybe it hadn’t been all thrills and chills and violence, but it hadn’t been all boring, Desire thought, glancing back as Declan retreated. Though he never would have considered himself one for the menial things, he set himself to cleaning the dirty dishware with his thoughts turned back inwards.

So his favorite movie is about a misunderstood ‘monster’ of a man and he went to tears half over the sad ending of a movie, and half because he’s afraid of a sad end like that happening to us. You do realize how hard you’re grasping at straws by now, right?

Silence.

Desire shrugged at himself, an actual physical motion as he scrubbed at the plates. Alright then, play it this way as long as you can. But you can trust me on this one: this cold war romance isn’t really what you want.

Very sullen silence.

By the time the dishes were done, Desire was still in charge—not that he felt particularly up for anything. So, feeling satisfied in his own way for the way the night had gone, he returned to the bunkroom intent on nothing more than his half of the split-mattress bed. He had an acknowledging smile to spare for Declan, but then he was wriggling under his covers. As Reason did before him, he stretched out on his side facing the Guardian’s side, but he for one had to make no justifications for it.

“G’night, big guy.”

He turned his head a bit, looking at the other man for a long moment before smiling, knowing full well it was Desire he spoke to, but moderately more comfortable in his understanding of them being the same person.

"Goodnight, Aoba." He reached over with one hand, pulling the covers up just a little more and tucking them down to close a gap in the fabric, them turned away again and closed his eyes, big chest rising and falling deeply in his generalized contentment. It wasn't a perfect life, but it was as close as he could get.

The next morning Declan got up early and heated some breakfast sandwich things up, eating his own in a few bites. He was taking a short patrol shift - only a few hours - then they were going to see the Endless Steps and make a small detour to an abandoned research facility and see if there was anything else on Venus that could help before they went to the Reef.

Three and a half hours passed and Declan showed back up, fully geared, and honked the little horn on his Sparrow. They were off across the jungles and ruins of Venus, Declan slowing or stopping occasionally to point things out or get off the Sparrow and explore a little area. Massive abandoned buildings, their neon signs still somehow flickering advertisements in numerous languages, computer screens still scrolling. The technology was sound and the buildings strong. One day it would all be easy to come back to, start over without having lost too much ground.

The Endless Steps were entirely different, a majestic landscape of wilderness and white stone. Not human in design, Declan explained, pointing out the wandering Vex here and there. They needed to be cautious, but there were Guardians around keeping the place safe, so he felt confident taking Aoba up to see the more beautiful places with the dead Vex portals and the overgrown flora. They couldn't picnic because taking their helmets off was much too risky, but he brought food to eat at the research station, so close enough.

When Aoba got his fill of the Steps, they went to the station and posted out on a cliff while a small group of Guardians swept the place, collected some information they needed, then hurried off again. Soon Declan, Ghost, Aoba and Ren were settled into the station for a brief repast, with Ghost scanning through documents and Declan gazing out a window at the jungle sea visible between the trees and chewing a biscuit.

"You know...I love all of these places, but the Moon is still my favorite. Even without any flora or fauna, it's just the place I feel the best. I wonder if that's strange, preferring a vast nothingness."

When Aoba awoke in the morning, his eyes were hazel once again. Desire was still right there behind him, of course, but the night before had been remarkably…normal. Desire had still acted out in a few ways, sure, but on the whole everything had been fine. Dinner, a movie, a little more insight into Declan’s character. It marked the first time Aoba could really start to think that he and his other aspect might actually be able to get along on a normal day-to-day. That being ‘Desire’ didn’t have to mean releasing only a more indecent, inappropriate side of himself.

Hazel eyes still greeted Declan when he returned, but they shifted back to gold before Aoba got on the Sparrow behind him. Nothing untoward about it, thankfully, and Desire only stayed up front long enough to enjoy the adrenaline rush of zooming along on the speedy machine. When exploration and research became the focus again, Reason reappeared.

Even Ren had stopped glaring so hard. Attentive ears may have caught Desire calling him ‘pup’ instead of ‘mutt’, this time.

Settled in the research station, finishing off a biscuit of his own, Aoba offered a little shrug to the Guardian’s remark. “I guess that depends on why you prefer it. Do you know, or is it just the feeling you get when you’re there?”

"Just a feeling. It's one of the most dangerous places in the system, but I'm most at peace there. I love the Reef, and I'm always very happy there. Nothing seems better. But there are times when I go out of my way to get assigned to the Moon, and just stay there for weeks," the Titan answered, sucking crumbs off of his thumb.

"I like going out into the middle of an empty mesa and making camp far away from everything. I don't even bring my ship. Just my gear and something to lay on, and I stay there in the silence staring up into the darkness of space. There's nothing on the moon, no atmosphere, so it's clear all the way up and out. When you lay on a tall place, it's like you're just out there in space, closing in around you and opening up at the same time. The 'nothing' of it all is comforting...but I don't know why. Any other time being alone makes me feel a bit miserable, really."

It sounded a bit like being in the hammocks had been, Aoba thought. Looking out that great braced window and feeling like space was everywhere. Except Declan was removing the window…and thankfully had an entire moon at his back.

“It kind of sounds to me like it’s…maybe like meditation for you,” he hazarded after some thought. “A way for you to just get way from everything, pretty literally.”

He offered a smile then, tapping his headphones. Conveniently, they still fit around his neck even with all the Hunter gear on, tucked neatly inside the hood. They were such a permanent part of him that he had yet to leave them behind even on these excursions.

“My music is like that for me, sometimes. When I put on my headphones and turn them up, the rest of the world just goes away. Doesn’t mean I want it to go away for good, but sometimes you just need that feeling for a while.”

He nodded, giving it a little more thought as he turned and thumbed through a case of hard files and datapad documents.

"I usually go when everything just gets to be too much. Too loud, too angry, too lonely. Too anything. I go out and get away from everything and just remind myself how enormous everything is and how small I am, even when I feel too big. I wanted to take you to my favorite spot..." He huffed a sigh, pulling his helmet back on and shaking his head.

"I hope there's time before you go. We even have to cut Venus a little sorter than planned just so we can meet with the Sovs and Xur. Can't keep royalty waiting."

“We’ll make the time,” Aoba answered, letting his friend see his smile before he took the cue to put on his helmet, too. It was Aoba’s least favorite part of the ensemble by far. Remarkably it fit in such a way that he neither felt too smothered or like he couldn’t see well, but their helmets hid their faces, and that he wasn’t too keen on.

“Maybe royalty can’t wait, but I can. If everything you show me before I go doesn’t include your favorite place, that’ll bother me.”

"If you keep waiting just because I don't get to show you around, I'll keep coming up with things to show you so you stay," Declan chuckled softly, head turning away in a trademark gesture that accompanied one of his shy smiles. Even with the helmet, some things could be seen in their own ways.

"Let's head out. The research post is a bust. It was just a shot in the dark, anyways," the large man sighed, waving Ren and Ghost over, the latter disappearing the way it did when returning to being part of Declan.

"I'll ride through where the sulfur flats are so you can see before we leave. It's on the way back around through the canyon route. Afterwards, it's back to the stars and straight on until the Reef. I've got some more assignments out that way. A meeting with the Queen costs."

Well. At least the helmet hid Aoba’s surge of a blush. That was unexpectedly convenient.

“Aa,” he gave his little sound of acknowledgement as he bent to pick up Ren the old-fashioned way, having no such means to carry the Allmate as a part of him. (And as of yet still devoid of awareness that a long time ago that had been the only way he’d carried him.) “Ready to take more pictures, Ren?”

“I have taken several hundred thus far and still have the storage space for a hundred times more,” came the ready agreement.

"Are you liking the upgrades?" Declan asked conversationally. He was always easily inclusive of Ren, treating him like a person as deserving of respect as any living biological being. He had a lot of experience with artificial life.

"Let's get a picture together on the cliff over the center before we go. The sun always looks amazing reflected on the water past the ruins. Like emeralds and amber. We can take our helmets off long enough for that. I think it'll look extraordinary with your hair this color," he reached out, cupping a hand against the side of Aoba's helmet with a nod before turning to lead the way.

Wait, no, he had a helmet on to hide his blush and now Declan wanted him to remove it again? Maybe the walk would be long enough to get his cheeks to cool down again.

And maybe Desire could stop giving him those pointed ‘looks’, too.

“They are incredibly beneficial,” was Ren’s initial response as the two men walked and he was carried along. After a bit of reconsideration, he adjusted his answer. “I like them very much. With Ghost’s assistance, I am functioning as if I existed in this state from my beginning, though I remain aware of my vast improvement.”

“H-Hey, I did the best with what I could,” Aoba threw in, half using the jibe to distract himself.

“I know, Aoba. And I am not ungrateful. The advances of technology in this era we are in do not discredit what you had to work with in our time. I would not exist without you.”

It was a walk and a bit of a climb that Declan had to help with because Aoba didn't know how to use the jets in the suit, so he had plenty of time to recover. Provided he didn't lose it when Declan princess carried him for a bit of the steep climb, levitating up skillfully.

"Don't take it poorly, Aoba. You're using technology on him that's centuries ahead of your time. Anything is a vast improvement, even if you had him outfitted with the finest money could buy back then," he reassured his friend, giving Aoba's shoulder a squeeze before reaching to rub one of Ren's ears gently.

"I'm glad you get to go home with something to ease both of your lives," the Titan remarked, gesturing for them to follow around a stone arch overgrown with flowering vines. Pushing past opened out into a truly incredible view, a vast expanse of gem-like water and jungle shores stretching out before them with volcanoes in an amber mist on the horizon.

"I dedicate this view to my friends," the big man rumbled softly, gesturing out at the landscape.

He totally lost it. It was almost a mercy, though, that half of his embarrassment was just from the indignity of it all. Look, he understood that carrying gear on their backs made piggybacks out of the question, but come on…! And he totally wasn’t going to acknowledge Desire’s wondering if Declan might not have chosen this path on purpose.

The view at the top was definitely awe-inspiring, though. It was hard for Aoba to say if it was more so than any of the vistas on Earth, given the crowded cityscape that had been all he’d known for most of his life, but that didn’t mean he dismissed it to any degree. He set Ren down and the Allmate trotted off a ways, undoubtedly capturing a new photo of the scenery with every glance around that he took.

“You know,” Aoba began, still at the Guardian’s side, “as different as everything looks, sometimes it doesn’t really feel like an alien planet to me. It could just be a side of Earth that I’ve never seen before and I wouldn’t know any better, since I never really saw anything but crowded buildings back home.”

"When you are home again...you should take your Granny and go see things as they are. Enjoy life with her for a time. Life then, in your time, is fleeting, and the world is special. I want to see you again...but don't come back until you know your life there is more complete. You have people there that love you, that you love..." He sighed, reaching up and tugging his helmet off, shaking out his soft white hair.

"I'm not going anywhere...but they might."

Declan’s words gave Aoba more of a chill than they probably meant to. Not because of the implied mortality of everyone else he knew, though that was certainly a part of it, but…because he had to question himself again. If he was being irrational, if he wasn’t seriously weighing every single factor involved, if he was just—just momentarily infatuated, then….

Ren trotted back around, prompting Aoba to push back his hood and carefully pull off his helmet. There was less shaking on his part, and instead more careful finger-combing as his hair all spilled out of the confines and he directed it gently over his back.

“…You’re a much wiser man than me, Declan,” he sighed quietly, cheeks well cooled from feeling small and stupid. It was all his own fault, though. None of it was Declan’s.

"Not really. It wasn't until recently that I understood loss. You haven't even gone yet and already I am keenly aware of the void that will be left behind in your absence," Declan mused, looking at the other man a moment before gazing out at the water and the jungle outcrops on the white stone slabs dotting the shores.

"I am only speaking from the experience I know I'm going to endure; cherish the people in your life, and life fully. I will...survive your distance, Aoba. Because I will do everything in my power to make it so you can come back. But I can't help your life back home. I cannot make guarantees about that place, so all I can do is practice patience."

What am I even doing anymore? Aoba wondered, ignoring the many suggestions put forward from the back of his thoughts.

But he still stepped over, up to Declan’s side, putting an arm loosely around the bigger man’s back. He’d have gone for an over-the-shoulder sort of thing if their height difference hadn’t been so great, but this worked well enough as a substitute as Ren moved into place to take pictures that included them as well as the scenery.

“Like I said,” was all he could reiterate, giving the Guardian a wry sort of smile. “A wiser man than me. I’m lucky I’ve got you to learn from.”

He returned the gesture, his arm easily looping Aoba's shoulders as they leaned just slightly against one another, standing and looking out across the water. The air was heavy with sulfur gas, but still breathable. Just not recommended for strenuous activity or long exposure. It smelled unpleasant, but it was more comfortable without the helmets when they could be avoided, and he liked seeing the sights with his own eyes instead of through the heads-up display.

"I learn a great deal from you as well, Aoba. I never spoke or worked to communicate. I never wanted to. There was no one in my life I wanted so hard to make understand me. You've given my life meaning where before I never realized it only had purpose. Thank you."

“Heh…would this be a weird time to admit how much I wanted to understand you, too?” Aoba answered, remarkably devoid of any pink tints to his cheeks. It wasn’t the same kind of embarrassing as the way his chest did funny things at the weight of Declan’s arm since, after all, he was speaking instead of a feeling he’d gotten within those first couple hours of meeting the Guardian.

“I couldn’t see anything to explain why those people in the bar were treating you like they did. The bartender’s reactions made way more sense to me. Then, when we went to see the Speaker, I ended up telling him right there: it felt like you didn’t have a lot of friends, so I wanted to try and be one for you.” A soft laugh, and a matching smile. “I’m glad I pulled it off.”

"I haven't been angry since I've been with you," Declan admitted in regards to his reputation. "You've never been unkind, never sought to frustrate me. I...get confused easily when I don't have time to think about things. You always wait and listen. Other people yell and push and I react. Sometimes poorly," Declan murmured, inhaling deeply, nose wrinkling at the boiled egg smell of everything. Too bad the sulfur-water fed flowering plants did nothing to help the odor.

"You became my friend simply by merit of being you. You're the first person that just...gave me time. Even Mac goes out of his way to get me angry sometimes. He says it makes me more effective on the field, and that's probably true, but...when I'm confused or upset around you, it feels better. I know I can figure things out at my own pace and you don't usually get frustrated with me." Usually, because Desire had a bit of a short fuse and got mad, but Declan approached that situation very differently from others. There was no need to fight, just wait. Things would eventually have answers. And Desire was much more predictable than someone with a gun so the need to solve issues was much less urgent.

Usually, he said. Aoba actually laughed a little at that, a self-conscious chuff of sound with his face briefly turned away (causing an unfortunate blur in one of Ren’s pictures). It was kind of a nice change to be able to give Desire one of those pointed thought-looks for a change, though.

“Then I’m grateful I’ve never gotten you mad at me. Not because I’m afraid of it, or anything like that, but because…even the parts of me that get frustrated sometimes still like you. So…thank you, for being patient with me, too.” A little pause of thought, complete with some silence and something like puzzlement from Desire. “It was a good night, wasn’t it? Watching movies together. I was a different me, but it was the closest to ‘normal’ that we’ve gotten yet.”

Was Desire…huffing? He might have been huffing. Did that mean he was pleased, or embarrassed, by ‘Reason’s’ words? Hard to imagine him anything like embarrassed, though….

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