He took the mild attack with his usual calm, stilling briefly. It took some thinking, wondering how his words had been construed as such, and he eventually reached down to pull hands from his thighs and turn the other man around.
"You misunderstand me," Declan sighed softly, ignoring their erections, hardly flagged and so close they could touch. This was more important. "Listen carefully."
"I would accuse anyone of the same, in a time like this. Even someone that doesn't want affection can want physical intimacy, and my interests in both are being forcibly split apart by the complications here. I don't understand what you've been through and what makes you this way, I don't think I could ever fully appreciate what's brought you to this point in your life without experiencing it myself, but the parts I am involved in are perfectly fine with me," the Titan insisted, reaching up and cupping a hand on Aoba's cheek gently.
"I can wait until you're comfortably whole inside and don't argue with yourself so much. What I need you to understand is that until then, I can't compromise my integrity and beliefs. If I do that, then what's the point of it being me versus any other person you know? If you get angry because you think I don't see you as a single person, then you need to see how much it hurts me for you to ignore my anxieties. I see you as one person, Aoba, but I see you as someone that second guesses everything and does things they regret. I don't want to be a regret, I don't want to be something you worry about. I want to be a stable pillar in your life, I want to be both the immovable object and unstoppable force in your life," he murmured, leaning in and pressing his lips gently - once, twice, three times - to Aoba's, gently caressing the hair near his temple.
"If I give myself to you, it is a compromise I can feel good about. I risk nothing by making myself available to your passions and desires. But if I took you, even if you say you want it now, you may look back and regret it. You might not regret me, but you too often look into yourself and over complicate your own feelings. I want being with me to be the easiest choice you've ever made. Right now it isn't, or we wouldn't have such a difficult time getting into the same room, let alone bed or shower. So please, stop being so angry. This isn't the time for that. I'm trying very hard not to be terrified of the things I want, and you being angry with me scares me more than any of it. We could be doing much more enjoyable things, if we could just stop thinking so hard."
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"You misunderstand me," Declan sighed softly, ignoring their erections, hardly flagged and so close they could touch. This was more important. "Listen carefully."
"I would accuse anyone of the same, in a time like this. Even someone that doesn't want affection can want physical intimacy, and my interests in both are being forcibly split apart by the complications here. I don't understand what you've been through and what makes you this way, I don't think I could ever fully appreciate what's brought you to this point in your life without experiencing it myself, but the parts I am involved in are perfectly fine with me," the Titan insisted, reaching up and cupping a hand on Aoba's cheek gently.
"I can wait until you're comfortably whole inside and don't argue with yourself so much. What I need you to understand is that until then, I can't compromise my integrity and beliefs. If I do that, then what's the point of it being me versus any other person you know? If you get angry because you think I don't see you as a single person, then you need to see how much it hurts me for you to ignore my anxieties. I see you as one person, Aoba, but I see you as someone that second guesses everything and does things they regret. I don't want to be a regret, I don't want to be something you worry about. I want to be a stable pillar in your life, I want to be both the immovable object and unstoppable force in your life," he murmured, leaning in and pressing his lips gently - once, twice, three times - to Aoba's, gently caressing the hair near his temple.
"If I give myself to you, it is a compromise I can feel good about. I risk nothing by making myself available to your passions and desires. But if I took you, even if you say you want it now, you may look back and regret it. You might not regret me, but you too often look into yourself and over complicate your own feelings. I want being with me to be the easiest choice you've ever made. Right now it isn't, or we wouldn't have such a difficult time getting into the same room, let alone bed or shower. So please, stop being so angry. This isn't the time for that. I'm trying very hard not to be terrified of the things I want, and you being angry with me scares me more than any of it. We could be doing much more enjoyable things, if we could just stop thinking so hard."