Still the same indeed. All those years evaporated the moment Kaoru came back into the man's life. He may have waited longer than anyone had any reason to wait for anything, but it was like it never happened. Certainly there were the memories, the friends long past, the daily drudgery; everything paled in comparison to the breaking dawn banishing the dark after centuries of simply existing.
If Kaoru thought his fear was crippling, he should imagine what it was like trying to survive for a thousand years on a hope that everything was real. The idea that it was a dream was unthinkable. What was the point in waking up every morning if not for the promise at the end of that long wait?
He wasn't certain he'd ever stop trembling.
"A bit more? You never have to let me go again. You can dig your fingers into the fabric of my very being and never release me. To part again is unthinkable," the onmyoji sighed, reaching up with his free hand to cover his face, unable to stifle the occasional sob that shook him. Would that he could control his emotions better than that, he thought, closing his eyes and forcing himself to breathe more slowly.
"So many times I thought that I was following a mad dream. How could any of it have been possible? And then for it all to return to the way it was before? I asked so many creatures, sought the advice of the wisest of us all. No one had answers that weren't impossible to solve riddles or cryptic to the point that I said some things I will never be proud of to people I should have had more respect for. I will have to issue some very sincere apologies. Now? Now I don't know what to do with myself. Part of me insists on careful distance and politeness. Part of me...well, part of me is being very unrealistic. And not at all mindful of good behavior."
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If Kaoru thought his fear was crippling, he should imagine what it was like trying to survive for a thousand years on a hope that everything was real. The idea that it was a dream was unthinkable. What was the point in waking up every morning if not for the promise at the end of that long wait?
He wasn't certain he'd ever stop trembling.
"A bit more? You never have to let me go again. You can dig your fingers into the fabric of my very being and never release me. To part again is unthinkable," the onmyoji sighed, reaching up with his free hand to cover his face, unable to stifle the occasional sob that shook him. Would that he could control his emotions better than that, he thought, closing his eyes and forcing himself to breathe more slowly.
"So many times I thought that I was following a mad dream. How could any of it have been possible? And then for it all to return to the way it was before? I asked so many creatures, sought the advice of the wisest of us all. No one had answers that weren't impossible to solve riddles or cryptic to the point that I said some things I will never be proud of to people I should have had more respect for. I will have to issue some very sincere apologies. Now? Now I don't know what to do with myself. Part of me insists on careful distance and politeness. Part of me...well, part of me is being very unrealistic. And not at all mindful of good behavior."