Just as Declan was shuttering, thinking perhaps he was stupid for his anxieties, that his feelings shouldn't matter so much and he should be thinking only of Aoba (no matter how unhealthy those thoughts were or how much he'd already put Aoba/Desire before himself) the anger seemed to soften, and he looked up to hazel eyes. Pale brows pinched together in worry, then lifted slowly in cautious attentiveness.
"I never thought you didn't like me...only that you could never want me," Declan finally said, teeth finding his bottom lip for a moment, trying to ignore the prickling in his scalp as his body stayed very aware of it's naked proximity.
"They are very different matters, ignoring semantics. However, my like for you...exceeds simple friendship. It is...deeper." His fingers tapped lightly on Aoba's shoulders where he gripped them gently, nervous gestures as he tried to keep himself talking even if he worried he was digging a hole he should be avoiding.
"I'm in love with you, Aoba. The lengths to which I am willing to go for you are much greater than those I would go for someone like Mac or Cayde. I'm here, literally baring myself, because I want to give you everything. Even if I don't get everything in return, I would rather you come to me for things like this than someone else, so even if it were just part of you looking for an outlet, I could be happy knowing it was me and that I didn't have to imagine you with someone else. Even if it all terrifies me to some degree. Though...my compromises made you angry, and I'm sorry for it. In the end, there are some things I simply can't do. No matter how much I love you."
A rush of words, a tumble of feelings. He let himself speak and ignoring the ringing in his ears as he said more and more and too much, chest in agony as his heart beat in something so very like real terror. Admissions and reality, things he needed to say because all he did was make things worse. He was too stupid to be gentler, he thought. He wasn't smart like Mac, full of metaphors and "candy coating". He just knew what he felt and mostly why and acted accordingly within the range of his morals and politeness. Everything had become so complicated, though. He'd tried to be more careful and evidently only made things so much worse. He didn't blame Aoba's problems, the man hadn't asked for this, he wasn't responsible for Declan.
But how did you apologize to someone for loving them? Was that...how it was supposed to be?
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"I never thought you didn't like me...only that you could never want me," Declan finally said, teeth finding his bottom lip for a moment, trying to ignore the prickling in his scalp as his body stayed very aware of it's naked proximity.
"They are very different matters, ignoring semantics. However, my like for you...exceeds simple friendship. It is...deeper." His fingers tapped lightly on Aoba's shoulders where he gripped them gently, nervous gestures as he tried to keep himself talking even if he worried he was digging a hole he should be avoiding.
"I'm in love with you, Aoba. The lengths to which I am willing to go for you are much greater than those I would go for someone like Mac or Cayde. I'm here, literally baring myself, because I want to give you everything. Even if I don't get everything in return, I would rather you come to me for things like this than someone else, so even if it were just part of you looking for an outlet, I could be happy knowing it was me and that I didn't have to imagine you with someone else. Even if it all terrifies me to some degree. Though...my compromises made you angry, and I'm sorry for it. In the end, there are some things I simply can't do. No matter how much I love you."
A rush of words, a tumble of feelings. He let himself speak and ignoring the ringing in his ears as he said more and more and too much, chest in agony as his heart beat in something so very like real terror. Admissions and reality, things he needed to say because all he did was make things worse. He was too stupid to be gentler, he thought. He wasn't smart like Mac, full of metaphors and "candy coating". He just knew what he felt and mostly why and acted accordingly within the range of his morals and politeness. Everything had become so complicated, though. He'd tried to be more careful and evidently only made things so much worse. He didn't blame Aoba's problems, the man hadn't asked for this, he wasn't responsible for Declan.
But how did you apologize to someone for loving them? Was that...how it was supposed to be?