It’s an incredible thing, to think you’ve made a perfect interpretation of words one moment, only to in the next have it all rendered completely wrong. Aoba went from thinking Declan had made his complements platonically and now had to fret over Aoba interpreting them romantically, to be outright told that—that the Guardian was actually, physically interested in him, as much as that background voice of his seemed to be interested in Declan in turn.
Damn right I am! You are! Look, it’s in the open now, all you have to do is say-
Desire was weirdly easy not to listen to right now. Aoba heard him, but it was just that: background noise. Thoughts that were relevant in awkward ways, but muted by the conflicting distress knotting up Aoba’s chest and stomach. Declan was attracted to him, and he’d somehow made the exact opposite interpretation of Ren’s words: not that Aoba’s own attraction to men had been limited by his surroundings, but that he had none as a result.
A minute ago, Aoba’s awkward feelings had bounced off a would-be-willing participant. Now they were closed off completely.
No, no, no! You open your mouth and you clear up the mistake!
…No, he couldn’t. He didn’t just want something physical. Desire could harp all he wanted; it was exactly what he’d been afraid of. That Declan would think all he cared about was the physical, because it had been Desire to open his big fat mouth first. Friends with benefits? Aoba didn’t want anything like that. Not from a person he’d come to care for so much.
It wasn’t fair that the words he’d just heard, so earnest and considerate, would make those feelings of care so much more painfully stronger.
“…I’m certain I’d still rather be around you than apart from you,” he answered quietly, putting a hand down on Declan’s shoulder. If their friendship was more important than anything, then that had to mean the casual skinship Aoba had opened up with him as well, didn’t it? “As long as ‘home’ stays open to me, that’ll always be the case.”
no subject
Damn right I am! You are! Look, it’s in the open now, all you have to do is say-
Desire was weirdly easy not to listen to right now. Aoba heard him, but it was just that: background noise. Thoughts that were relevant in awkward ways, but muted by the conflicting distress knotting up Aoba’s chest and stomach. Declan was attracted to him, and he’d somehow made the exact opposite interpretation of Ren’s words: not that Aoba’s own attraction to men had been limited by his surroundings, but that he had none as a result.
A minute ago, Aoba’s awkward feelings had bounced off a would-be-willing participant. Now they were closed off completely.
No, no, no! You open your mouth and you clear up the mistake!
…No, he couldn’t. He didn’t just want something physical. Desire could harp all he wanted; it was exactly what he’d been afraid of. That Declan would think all he cared about was the physical, because it had been Desire to open his big fat mouth first. Friends with benefits? Aoba didn’t want anything like that. Not from a person he’d come to care for so much.
It wasn’t fair that the words he’d just heard, so earnest and considerate, would make those feelings of care so much more painfully stronger.
“…I’m certain I’d still rather be around you than apart from you,” he answered quietly, putting a hand down on Declan’s shoulder. If their friendship was more important than anything, then that had to mean the casual skinship Aoba had opened up with him as well, didn’t it? “As long as ‘home’ stays open to me, that’ll always be the case.”
You are such an idiot.
Well. For once they agreed.